New Math: 1/2ton compost + 6” leafmould=1 hosta bed 6’x16’

hostaaddict · Post by **hostaaddict** » Sep 08, 2007 12:38 am

Wild Dog, that last picture is just breathtaking!

Wanda, I really love your landscaping. I envy you all that wonderful space.

Wild Dog · Post by **Wild Dog** » Sep 08, 2007 1:22 am

I envy you all that wonderful space.
_________________
Jackie's Hosta List

I'm jumping to the conclusion that you feel you have limited space. Use small hosta and dwarf conifers, one of the most beautiful gardens I ever saw was truly tiny but planted to scale.

Wanda · Post by **Wanda** » Sep 08, 2007 9:35 am

Butch: I would love not having to do all that heavy labor, especially now that I am getting older...but I have seen the loss of vigor, lessening of bloom, lack of growth, fading colors and soil compaction when I don’t a few times over the years (when life interfered with my gardening) and have been very disappointed with those results. Disappointed enough to ensure that I really don’t mind doing all the heavy labor to get the results I want - which is for the plants to thrive, rather than just survive. So, no offense, but I will have to keep doing what works for me. Not what I read, or what someone told me, but what has actually proven to work for me over the past 3 decades.

Jackie: Thank you! It is wonderful having so much space to work with...despite what we tell the menfolk, size does matter (hehe). And despite what my design instructors drummed into me, less is NOT more...especially when we are talking hosta!

wanda

Arlene · Post by **Arlene** » Sep 11, 2007 8:55 am

Wanda, your gardens are just beautiful! And I was so tired after reading your posts that I had to go take a nap

. . .

Seriously, just wanted to say that I hope your MIL's day care center has finished its work and is open again. Have you moved on toward a full-time solution? I think of you so often!

Wanda · Post by **Wanda** » Sep 12, 2007 9:06 am

Gosh, Arlene...a nap? You gotta get your stamina built up...you have a whole garden to move real soon! (hehe) Won’t it be fun to build a whole new garden? Taking your garden with you will make it “home” right away, especially those big hosta from the lakeside of your present home!

Plans are afoot to get MIL moved...just going to take a little time. She has a few dr. appts. we need to get through first: plastic surgeon to get that lipoma removed; neurologist for worsening dementia and geriatric psychiatrist to get her on some meds for her depression, rages and paranoid delusions. Going to wait until after those to place her. Plus we need to see a lawyer about disposing of her home, etc. And we have to get down to her place (150 miles south of here) to finish packing up her house and get all her stuff put in storage up here. Thank god the adult day care is open again, and now MIL will be going 4 mornings a week. Plus they found me a wonderful volunteer to come “visit” with her every Friday from 10-2. With a couple hours of respite each weekday, I should be able to hold onto my sanity until the dr. appts. are done.

It is truly a wonderful thing you are doing for your children - moving close to them now, before you need any assistance. Sure will make things easier on them later! And your grandchildren will treasure the memories you will be building with them...I just love living next door to my grandpa again! It is truly wonderful being 48 and still having gramps going strong and being a part of our daily life!

wanda

Arlene · Post by **Arlene** » Sep 12, 2007 8:15 pm

Wanda, I'm glad things are falling in place for your situation. So hard to deal with these things!! We're still trying to get my dad's estate dealt with . . . he had 10 or 12 major collections (including 75,000 - you read that right - post cards!) and trying to figure out what to do with it all. Fortunately, we never had to go through what you've had with your MIL. I can see how digging in the dirt would be your therapy and sanity-handhold. I'm so glad you've got a "visitor" scheduled . . . it's so necessary for care-givers to have a few moments ALONE and AWAY!!

Our new house will have an area for live-in hel[ if we need it. Even with two daughters next door, we'd like to know the space is planned.

I have a feeling next spring will be very busy with moving things and hostas. I should start physical training now!!

Wanda · Post by **Wanda** » Sep 13, 2007 8:17 am

Arlene: Slowly building up your strength and stamina now will really pay off during the move - especially with a whole garden to move! Since we got our woodstove and I haul and split firewood all winter, I am in much better shape come spring to sail right into major gardening chores - without too many aches and pains.

Be real careful with your dad’s collections...the oddest things seem to have amazing value! Just saw some postcards on the Antiques Roadshow that were in the hundreds of dollars - each! We watch every week because MIL collected antiques...would really hate to throw out or give away something and later find out it was priceless!

Well, with MIL back in day care this week, have managed to get the bulk of the potted hosta planted - just in the nick of time. From last night through this weekend, many areas north of us will be getting frost. Sure hope it stays up there - otherwise will have to drag out the hoops and plastic to cover the freshly planted hosta, so they have longer to get well rooted in before a widespread frost. Hoping to get one or two more loads of compost this weekend to build another large bed, so when I dig the original garden next spring I have somewhere to put half the hosta.

I think it is just wonderful that you and your husband are planning ahead for your later years - it is a great idea to have space for live-in help ready to go! MIL kept reassuring us over the years that she had everything planned out...she was always so meticulously organized we believed her. Then we found out her whole plan was to die when she quit having fun! Not kill herself...she just figured God should take her when ordered to do so (sigh).

wanda

Linda P · Post by **Linda P** » Sep 13, 2007 9:01 am

"Then we found out her whole plan was to die when she quit having fun! Not kill herself...she just figured God should take her when ordered to do so (sigh)."
So, Wanda....you think I should change my plan? That's pretty much what I'm thinking.
Really, it's amazing how many people don't think about planning for help. My folks had a plan, but life didn't quite go the way they thought it would. My dad outlived my mom, and no one ever thought that would happen. He doesn't have long-term care insurance, she did.
We have a houseful of belongings that will have to be sorted through and dispersed. Dad is no longer living in the old family home, but my brother is there. That somehow makes it more difficult. Dad, too, is a lifelong collector, and he has a major postcard collection that was started by his grandmother back in the late 1800's.
Back on track, I hope the frost stays away. We're supposed to have a chance for frost here Sat a.m., and I'M NOT READY! I still have hostas to plant!
Linda P

Arlene · Post by **Arlene** » Sep 13, 2007 10:10 pm

Wanda, we are being very careful with the collections . . . we had to have them appraised for estate taxes, so we have professional opinions on many of the things. Autographs are the hardest thing because of the authenticity issue.

You're right - many of Dad's post cards are valuable -- and some are quite common. The appraisers really got a kick out of the good ones. We have a couple of auction houses interested in them, and one of them is interested in several other collections. Dealing with this stuff has taken a good part of our time for 9 months and I'm ready to think of something else for a while!

And, Linda, keep an eye on those postcards . . . there can be a ton of value there! Our grandkids will be going to college on the $$ from my dad's collections! At least it will help get them started . . . That pleased my dad a lot!

Wanda · Post by **Wanda** » Sep 15, 2007 12:13 am

LindaP: Yeah, you might want to rethink your plan... (hehe).

Yes, isn’t it fun going through someone else’s stuff? The last time my DH and I went down to pack stuff up, it took us all day and half the night just to pack up MIL’s clothes/shoes/purses!!! And she had already given me all her good suits and office wear when she retired 20 yrs. ago.

Well, I am patting myself on the back - got all the potted hosta planted and moved some more. And got them all mapped! Ended up with one bed 6’x13’ and another 6’x23’. The 23’ long bed will extend maybe another 50’ to the house as soon as I can get to it...since the new ones are already crammed full (hehe)!

wanda

wishiwere · Post by **wishiwere** » Sep 15, 2007 8:08 am

Wanda, wouldn't it be easier, to just let me move some of those for you? Promise, I'll send pics as they grow and spread their wings!

Who knows? Maybe they'll grow wings wide enough that you and I can see them both from our own front windows

I keep threatening that ONE of these years I am going to show up on your stoop for tour!

Please don't cosider it a threat!

MollyD · Post by **MollyD** » Sep 15, 2007 10:47 am

Wanda I am so glad to read that you're getting a volunteer in to give you a break before your own health suffers.

Linda maybe you can rent a storage locker for the best of your dad's non perishable stuff? Just a suggestion.

MollyD

Wanda · Post by **Wanda** » Sep 15, 2007 1:07 pm

Jane: If you had come up with this idea to “help me” in early July, before I made MIL start going to the day care center, I would most likely have told you to take them all...just so somebody could take care of them until I could. You could come up and help me weed, if you really wanted to help (hehe - left yourself open for that one!). And, I love company, especially now...MIL behaves much better when others are around. Or she just storms off to her room since she isn’t the center of attention - either way, company is GOOD. And its REALLY nice to talk to folks that don’t scream at me. Today she is teetering right on the edge of getting dropped off at an ER for a 72 hr. psych hold then straight off to the nursing home!!! First she was mad because I wouldn’t cash a check for her, cause I knew she still had the $200 she got last week...I can’t take her shopping anymore, so I knew she still had it. Then she was mad because I knew how much $ she had. She has already “lost” $600 (maybe), so I have to keep a closer eye on things. Then she wouldn’t drink the necessary glass of water with her pills (in the restaurant), but sucked down the diet coke like she hadn’t drank anything in ages. Flatly refused (loudly), so looks like we can’t have our traditional breakfast out on Saturdays anymore. And, no more Coke for her...tired of dealing with the fights. This last month of getting through the dr. appts. will be a real challenge...but at least it is wiping out the last vestiges of guilt over putting her in a home. Now the guilt is over sticking the poor aides at the nursing home with her...but I can deal with that (hehe). At least they are getting paid and can leave after 8 hrs.

MollyD: Thank you! Yes, the volunteer on Fri. is a lifesaver! And it worked out great - I know her quite well, and know her family...so am much more relaxed about the idea of someone coming into my home. Of course today I would have welcomed Charles Manson in if he was willing to stay with her! (hehe) By the end of the week, even with day care 3 mornings a week, I had about had it. After MIL is in the nursing home and I have a chance to recover from this experience, I will also be volunteering to give someone else in this position a break - there is a true dire need and not nearly enough willing (and able) to take on the task. And, after MIL, will be able to take on the worst cases with ease - it is almost impossible to find someone to help with those. Even the paid home health care places balk at those...and if they do take them, they charge a hefty premium. If anyone is in a position to do some good in your local community, please contact your local Council on Aging or the Alzheimers Association and volunteer...you could literally save someone’s life and sanity with just a couple hours a week or even once a month.

wanda

wishiwere · Post by **wishiwere** » Sep 15, 2007 1:15 pm

I wish you were closer Wanda! Maybe next week I can up for a few, if you are still on the saner than insaner side! Will I know the difference?

It's supposed to be nice, and I have a lot here to do, but heck, it will wait till I return, I'm sure!

How far are you from me anyway?

MollyD · Post by **MollyD** » Sep 15, 2007 3:11 pm

Wish I were closer to help you with your garden chores Wanda. I know how hard it can be to deal with a difficult situation like that. My oldest son worked one on one with a lady who had Altzheimer. She was really bad and her daughter needed someone there while she worked or went out. This woman would strip naked and toss feces at my son. He'd have to bath her and clean up the mess. This went on for 6 months and at the end of that time she was put in a nursing home. Joel was never so glad to have a job end! He had known this woman before she became ill and he said it was like his old friend had died and left her body behind.

MollyD

Wanda · Post by **Wanda** » Sep 15, 2007 3:43 pm

“...if you are still on the saner than insaner side! Will I know the difference?”

I’m not totally sure if you would be able to tell the difference...I’m not even sure half the time now (hehe). And even before this experience it took me 25 yrs. to get my husband to describe me as unique rather than weird! I am a lot saner when in my garden, though. If I didn’t have those little breaks in my garden, don’t know what I would do.

Yeah, it isn’t just a trip around the corner to get up here - my husband says it is about 80 miles. A pretty ride, though, especially when the trees turn a little more! If your husband fishes, the Rifle River is just 4 miles down the road - and the salmon should be running before too long. If they aren’t running, there are still browns, brookies, rainbow and steelhead...and a lot less canoers/kayakers/tubers with these cooler temps. And bow season starts in a week and a half. We could send him out back for some venison. Just promise to ignore the less pretty parts...and please don’t be offended if my MIL is a bit “off” - she truly can’t help herself anymore. And I won’t put you to work...unless you really want to?

Some of the hosta are pretty shabby, but quite a few are actually looking quite nice, now that we have had some rain and cool temps. And Helen’s hibiscus are blowing out everyone’s eyes with their amazing blooms! Bigger than a dinner plate, with rich deep rose coloring with a red eye. And they just keep blooming and blooming! Now I know for sure I need that deep plum purple hibiscus Chris & Brian have in the bed between their house and drive!

Molly: How sweet of you to even offer - thank you! Boy, I feel for your son - that must have been so awful for him! Its hard enough doing it for someone you love, let alone someone else! MIL has only got naked once...when I wouldn’t give her her pajamas when she got mad and wanted to go to bed at noon. She refused to put her clothes back on and sat stark naked in the living room. Kept telling her someone would probably stop by and just walk in (since my family always does), but she didn’t care...until Grampa and Mom strolled in!!! OMG, it was a priceless moment!!! She hasn’t tried that again.

wanda

MollyD · Post by **MollyD** » Sep 15, 2007 3:51 pm

Ah so she still retains a little of her thought process! This woman Joel worked with no longer did. She had no qualms about being seen that way.

MollyD

wishiwere · Post by **wishiwere** » Sep 15, 2007 4:23 pm

Wanda, if I make it up there, I promise to help, figured if there's always something to do here in my little gardens, there has to be an ever-ending list in yours

We'll just tie the ol' naked woman in the chair out on the porch, so's we keep our eyes on her!:lol:

I'll let you know if I can get there, it would be mid-week if I can. Supposed to be much warmer again by then too

largosmom · Post by **largosmom** » Sep 18, 2007 9:47 pm

Dear Wanda, my MIL has been in Assisted Care with Alzheimer's for about a year and a half. My DH was her primary care giver, and is doing much better now. The move will be stressful for you all, but a good place will help with the transition. It takes a lot of paperwork for admission and switching over of caregivers and all, but your days away will be much more peaceful.

The best advice we were ever given at an Alzheimer's association meeting was "never argue with a person with dementia". You never win, when someone can't think logically, it doesn't matter what you say to them, they will come up with some reason to take a different position. My poor DH had arguments over whether it was day or night, whether the dog had been fed (even while it was eating), etc. We still have trouble convincing her that she isn't capable of keeping a dog in her room at the assisted care facility. A good sense of humor really helps.

Big hugs and soem peaceful time to you,

Laura

Wanda · Post by **Wanda** » Sep 19, 2007 8:49 am

Molly: Yep, a lot of the “bad behavior” can’t be blamed on the dementia, she is just plain mad and wants her own way. We can tell when she is more her former self and when the dementia is in control - it is very obvious. Her facial expression, how she holds her body, her walk, mannerisms and demeanor all change. We call the nice version “Jane” and the mean one “Lucille” (her legal name). When folks call, they always ask “Which one do you have today?”

Jane: Oh, yeah, there is always something to do...the “to do” list is usually 2 pages long. And that is just the stuff that HAS to be done (hehe). Getting a lot more done now that she is in day care 4 days a week...those 3 hours a day are a godsend! Would be great if you could visit...give me a call.

Laura: Yep, arguing does no good...but neither does pussy-footing around the truth. MIL loves to argue, but we won’t play. I just calmly, simply and firmly tell her the truth, show her any supporting paperwork, then refuse to respond further...and change the subject or walk away. The calmer I am, the more mad it makes her, since she then has no chance to browbeat me into seeing things her way. I am really glad I had 5 younger sisters and brothers...lots of experience of dealing with cranky 2 yr. olds. Is good to know your poor husband survived the experience!

It feels so good to be able to work in the gardens and get stuff done! Moved a few more hosta and now have to move about 20 volunteer hollyhocks out of the way so I can plant a few new oriental lilies in that area. Love the Oriental’s intoxicating scent, so they get planted along the side of the deck! And looks like I will be weeding until the ground is frozen solid...

wanda