IDIOTS TAKE THE LONG WAY HOME Episode 1
On the long and ever-changing unwritten list of principles of Idiot Travel is this dictum: Whenever possible, take the long way home. If the goal is to get from point A to point B, then it makes sense to use the shortest, most efficient method to get there. But if one is traveling – whenever possible, choose the longer, most inefficient method. As in life, the best things often happen while you are planning something else.
The Idiots can drive from their Minnesota home to their home in Arizona in three very hard days... or four long days. Five days is a much more reasonable schedule. This time the Idiots have allowed two weeks. They are taking the long way home.
Days 1 -3, October 6-8
Sometimes the Idiots find themselves hurrying to that they can take it slow.
Tom Waitts has a lovely line in one of his songs - “I've been getting up at the crack of noon.” The Idiots always hope for an early departure but very rarely achieve it. This time they set the goal of hitting the road by 10:00 AM but knew it was more likely to be 11:00 AM and they were prepared for their classic “Crack of Noon” departure.
In fact, it was closer to 1 PM and their 450 mile goal for day one was no longer realistic. And, of course... how could they drive by The World's Largest Candy Store and not drop in for some Idaho Spud Bars and apple bread? They managed to get past Sioux City to spend the night in a rural Nebraska campground. Total mileage – about 370 miles.
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Those blessed with acute aesthetics find great beauty in hundreds of miles of corn fields, wheat fields, pastures and meadows. They find delight in the evidence of American farmers feeding the world – the endless parade of farm machinery in the fields and on the rural two-lane roads running 24/7 to bring in the harvest.
The Idiots do not possess such fine perceptions. For them, southwestern Minnesota, Nebraska from far northeast to the southwest corner, and eastern Colorado were... just a whole lot of miles to put behind them. There was a bit of bright fall color for interest, but for the most part the colors were brown on brown with lots of dust and numerous slow-downs.
The Idiots wouldn't want to say they were beat when they pulled into a small town campground in Nebraska late in the evening... but when they registered at the self-pay station, they found the envelope but couldn't figure out where to deposit it. This is what they found when they looked the next morning...
Day two was a grind, getting back on the itinerary by making up for miles not completed due to the delayed start on day one. About 600 miles later, they spent an extra half hour trying to locate a city campground in Colorado City, Colorado – a campground some distance away from where Google Maps says it is. Eyes glazed with highway haze and bodies vibrating with rough road rumble , they crashed into their bunks exhausted.
Day three was much more satisfying. Their route took them across southern Colorado from east to west, terminating at a two-night stay at a campground at the entrance to Mesa Verde National Park. The mountain driving, including the infamous Wolf Creek Pass, was an antidote to the seemingly endless expanses of the Great Plains.
The Beast at Mesa Verde RV Resort
Things you don't see every day – two signs posted in the campground restroom... suicidal chipmunks and lovestruck tarantulas...
And rising, the idiots were greeted with glorious sunshine... and snow on the peaks.
